Advanced Auto Rave

I thought about having posts of my marriage scenes, events, moments as something like "Fraking Friday" or "I Spy". Then I blinked. Jex and I have such a weird off the wall life that some times we don't do anything for weeks, or we're not together for weeks, or we're driving for weeks. So, it can't be a staple of my blog, but it is still the biggest part of my life, so it will get written about.

This story begins with the first walk that Jex and I have taken together in three months, round about. We used to walk and just talk and be together a lot more often, when the world was a cooler place and we had cars that weren't broken. In order to not have to climb through the window when my husband doesn't want to get out with me we needed to replace the door handle.
Because my husband is a man, and there for forever 4 years old on the inside, he likes to tell me he's not coming in, watch as I climb out the window, then roll up my window for me, get out, and lock the car. All the while grinning like he's won some kind of competition.
There's an Advanced Auto Parts up the street from the house where we've been staying for the last couple of weeks (thank you Tristan and Cait!!!). We haven't walked in a while, so I invite Jex to come walk up there with me to get the door handle replacement.

We get to the store and I go straight to the line and trade looks with "Jerry" as the customer ahead of me fights with a large box to get a look at the strut he just bought. Before boxing it back up and taking his leave.
It's been about 5 seconds, waaaay past Jex's attention span unless there are pretty colors and fantasmic music, and out of habit I glance around to see where he's got to... and what he may be playing with.
Over the radio Lady Gaga's Poker Face is just queuing up.
My husband is in the aisle behind me, the aisle with all the colored LCD lights that can be attached to your vehicle and he has a full on rave going on. No, he didn't just randomly push buttons like some kind of kid. This man has artistically and perfectly synced a large portion of the light strips in beat with the song playing over the radio. It was like an amateur Daft Punk light show.
Suddenly I was reminded of why I like him so damn much.

In less sappy news I can now get in and out of my car without climbing through the window. Yay!

The Light Heart Lives Long

Why I can't VLog

I've tried the video blog thing a few times. Turns out I'm just weird and silly. I don't have any great ideas or insights, not really personable and I'd much rather use pictures than words.
This video is the last time I tried to start Vlogging. Maybe I should just give up.
Or just try again in a couple months.
Eh.


Capture 20120419 2 from Angharad on Vimeo.

The color of the day

Blue.
In American English it means to be sad on some level or another.
In German it means you're drunk.
Quite the difference; depending on what kind of drunk you are.

Today is a Blue day. It's raining, I'm tired for some unknown reason, Eve's Curse is due any day now, and I don't want to be on the base. Though these may contribute to the color of the day, I don't think they make it themselves.
I've told you before that the women in my family are crazy. Not crazy in a bad way necessarily, but most of them have have to seek out a way to balance whatever throws us off into a random deep-end. My mother is anxious, my grandmother is depressed, I don't remember what the other two figured out for themselves at the moment but they had something that threw them off too. Sometimes I freak out and I feel like running to the nearest doctor that can evaluate me and see if I need help as well. God knows I probably have bipolar, or anxiety through the roof, or my brain is all kinds of chemically screwed!
Yet, other times I have this weird peace and I just know that the day is going to be a color, I can lighten the opacity or let it completely blind me, but no matter what the day will be that color. And today is a blue day.

Here's the thing though: I'm not allowed to have blue days.
Where did this hang up come from? I can't rightly say. Maybe it's leftovers from memories I can't quite grasp. Maybe it was something some one impressed upon me. Happiness is a choice! But sometimes it doesn't really feel that way. Perhaps it's that super 'take care of everyone' thing that is part of the core of my person; I have to radiate happy so that the people I love and care about can be happy. Or maybe it's the insecurity that sits snugly beside all my good points and shouts that "no one wants to see your sad face! if you show it to them they'll find you depressing and you'll have no friends!"
Whatever it is it's really really hard to be around people on blue days. Especially the people who mean the most to me.

Today is a blue day, but I can lighten the opacity. Blue is a beautiful color; I've never found it sad. I think that we should call some one Gray when they're sad; not Blue. Blue is the color of the sky, of the bird that is the symbol of happiness. Blue is an amazing butterfly, and a bright flower. Blue is a delicious berry, and my favorite comfy shirt.
Blue can tint my day and be more like the German meaning than the American.

Today is a blue day, but it's also a good day.